Monopoly cheaters kill the bank, cut corners

Monopoly is turning 75 this year.

Hasbro is revolutionizing the game by introducing debit cards that eliminate the banker, aka your cheating brother, and creating sound effects for when you land on Chance or Community Chest. Another kicker? You get $2 million when you pass go and real estate prices have joined the 21st century.

Oh, and the most obvious change: The board is now round. According to Hasbro, they always intended to make the board round but opted for the traditional square version just before the release all those years ago.

So, will you buy the new game?

Who writes checks? It's 2009!

I love to check myself out.

Ha! That sounds so wrong.

What I mean to say is, I love to check out my own groceries. Then, it is my own fault if I take forever to get out of the grocery store.

Twice this week, I have been held hostage by check writers. Lovely people in any other circumstance, checkbook-toting Southeast Texans are LOATHSOME.

The first instance happened last Thursday. I was sick and just wanted to pop into the Walgreen's for a can of chicken soup and a package of cough drops.
With a foggy head, I contemplated between the cherry Halls or citrus flavored drops -finally siding with the Halls. Mustering every ounce of strength I had, I shuffled up to the register to get behind (Oh,yeah. You guessed it) a check writer.

This particular woman had a basket full of Easter candy - tiny little pieces of Easter candy that would need to be rung up individually.

After waiting for every single piece of candy to be scanned, said woman finally got her check book out. If I had brought a torch and angry mob with me, I would have chased this woman out of the county.

IF YOU MUST PAY WITH A CHECK, WHY NOT FILL EVERYTHING OUT EXCEPT THE DOLLAR AMOUNT IN ADVANCE?!?

I considered coughing on her for a moment. But, I decided that was cruel and unusual punishment for the situation. Instead, I mumbled to the cashier: "Who writes checks? It's 2009!"

I am an avid fan of the debit card. You swipe, enter your pin number and walk out the door. Easy-peasy!

So, if you don't want to join the rest of the modern world, that's fine. But at least have some courtesy. Get your checkbook and driver's license out early or prepare to get the stink eye from your fellow citizens.

Get with the program!