Pajama Jeans make 'Casual Fridays' even more relaxed

"...Designer jeans can bunch and pinch." True. If you need to go a size up.

For you ladies who find jeans "uncomfortable," allow me to introduce the Pajama Jean. A pant so comfortable, the makers swear they feel like sweats. Unfortunately, I think they also look a bit like workout pants. Unless you are long and lean like the Pajama Jean models in the video below, folks are likely to notice you are wearing fake jeans.

Get your "Crazy Monkey" on with footed jammies

It’s a Snuggie holiday conspiracy.

Retailers must have met in a seedy back alley in October and decided to collectively shove Snuggies down our throats this Christmas.

Leopard print Snuggies are falling off shelves at Walgreen’s, Target is pushing the breast cancer survivor Snuggie, and every big-box retailer in between is hocking a Snuggie made for dogs. (Dogs already have a built in Snuggie, folks. It’s called fur!)

I think retailers missed the mark this year, though. Don’t they know it ’tis the season for Jumpin’ Jammerz, footed pajamas for adults? Oh yes. You read correctly. Footed pajamas are no longer just for kiddos and weird folks with fetishes.

According to Jumpin Jammerz’ Web site: "Jumpin Jammerz is leading the way in footed sleepwear with a vast array of fun prints, styles, fabrics and colors!"
"Our Jammerz have been worn by an ever growing list of celebrities, including Joan Cusack, Dakota Fanning, Vanessa Lengies, and have been spotted on ‘Saturday Night Live,’ ‘The Ellen DeGeneres’ show and made it into the ultra elite grab-bags at the 2007 Oscars!"

Something makes me think "Saturday Night Live" cast members were not wearing Jammerz in a serious sketch. And who the heck is Vanessa Lengies? (I looked her up. She’s been in a few episodes of "Hawthorne" and made one
appearance on "Medium." Jammerz might be using the term "celebrity" with Lengies a little loosely.)

Sorry, I digress.

Jammerz, with styles ranging from "Firetrucks" to "Crazy Monkey," start at $45.
Oh and ladies, Jammerz also come in "Sexy Sheer" for $60. And, nothing is hotter than fabric covering every inch of your body, except for your face.

Getting back to the Snuggie craze of 2009, Jumpin Jammerz is marketing their own version of the blanket with sleeves. You can order a Silly Blanket in Leopard Skin, Pink Cheetah or Red Camo for $19.95.

Bet that Pink Cheetah looks wild with the "Sexy Sheer" Jammerz!

Is your butt winking at me?

Want a new way to give the boy's "bedroom eyes"? Check out Winkers, the jeans that give your ass something to say.



(I suggest turning the volume down. The music track is more annoying than the jeans. Scroll through to avoid long scenes. But, don't miss the cheetah face. It's a gem.)

Eww! Is that Poo-Pourri?

It's amazing the crap people e-mail me (pun intended).

Last week I got this gem: "Breathe Easy One and All, When You Hear Nature’s Call" ... with organic Poo=Pourri bathroom spray.

SAY WHAT?!?!

"You wipe your bathroom surfaces with organic cleaner, but something else is not in sync: the aerosol spray you use after you go to the bathroom," a press release from the Dallas company said. "Nature’s Call is sprayed directly into the toilet bowl before you go to trap and eradicate embarrassing odors at the source."

Additionally, "Poo-Pourri Nature’s Call is a natural blend of Organic essential oils that create a film on the surface of toilet water, trapping odor at its source and eliminating it, instead of masking it."

Awesome! Cause' folks love it when you crush their bathroom and leave a film in the toilet. I am thinking about marketing the "(Butt)crack window opener" and a "Doody free candle collection."

Think anyone would give them a run?

That's a Howl of an ugly shirt

Debbie Rowe, Michael Jackson’s ex wife, made a number of headlines this week.

Undoubtedly, most media outlets turned their attention to her after she announced plans to seek custody of Jackson’s two eldest children, Paris and Prince.

Rowe is really of no consequence to me. I only hope the kids end up where they choose to be and where they will be well cared for.

Truth be told, Rowe didn’t really make my radar this week until photos surfaced of her wearing a “Three Wolf Moon” T-shirt while tending a horse in California.

I am by no means a fashionista. And like most of you, I have slum clothes I wear when painting or doing laborious projects around the house. So, I am not judging Rowe’s work clothes, just her taste.

I have seen a number of local ladies as of late sporting wolf T-shirts. I guess I don’t understand the new phenomenon.

Just Google searching the words “Wolf” and “T-shirt” brought up more than 100,000 horrid results.

Did you know you can buy a wolf and Indian princess T-shirt or a tank top bearing the image of a silhouetted angel wolf online?

If you really want to go wild, score a T-shirt print of an oversized wolf head snuggled among the stars as it watches over humans below.

Can anyone say CREEPY?

I have become so fixated lately about wolf shirts that I casually mentioned to one of my co-workers that the wolves seem to be breeding in Southeast Texas, more and more shirts springing to life everyday.

Later, he sent me this text message:
“I just saw a wolf shirt, possible coyote. They must make them in one size, so they cover the kneecaps. Fancy.”

Fancy indeed!

Here's a nightmare: The cleavage Kush

Maybe I am not "blessed" enough to to need a Kush Support - dubbed "The natural rest for the breast."

Otherwise, known by me, as the latest marketing gimmick created for Americans to piss away their money. I am certain the makers of Kush would disagree - probably offering to divide and conquer our differences of opinion.

Here's what they have to say about their product:
"While lying on her side, a womans (sic) body fights the forces of gravity, forcing one breast to rest on top of the other. Anatomically contoured to gently cushion and support the weight of her breasts, a Kush Support relieves the pressure that can cause discomfort and helps to ease restlessness."

Yikes! Who knew gravity was such a bitch?

The makers also describe the Kush as "the comfortable nighttime companion" - a line that made me laugh for reasons too inappropriate to share on this blog. You can insert your own jokes as you watch the video below.

Something new for crap collectors

Love wasting money and being the butt of family jokes? Then I have a product for you!

Snuggie fans can rejoice. A little known manufacturer of crappy products, 20/20 Vision Management, is releasing the Wearable Towel, so cleverly advertised as "the towel with arm openings!"

"At first glance, it looks like a towel and well, it is! But it's so much more. The Wearable Towel consists only of three arm openings which are placed along the side of the towel," a news release from the company said.

WHOA! HOLD UP! THREE ARM OPENINGS?!? What the hell do you do with the extra opening? WAIT! Don't answer that.

"We simply made the towel better," said Zoni Stein, president and CEO of 20/20 VM in the press release. Stein also claims to be the creative thinker who manifested this brainchild, errr, Snuggie rip off.

And guess what? It gets better. You can look like a dork in four colors!

Go on, tell dad he stinks this Father's Day

The Day of Dads is rapidly approaching.
And if you are looking high and low for the most unique (and awful) Father's Day gift for good ol' dad, you're in luck.

The Brondell corporation is hoping you'll consider the Breeza Deodorizing Toilet Seat for pop June 21.

"Rather than giving the same old shirt and tie, give the gift that everyone in the household will appreciate, a toilet seat that eliminates any manly odors the moment that he takes a seat," a news release I received from Brondell reads.

Another line continues: "This Father’s Day, present the man of the house with an opportunity to leave his throne smelling like flowers. Throw the matches away and present Daddy-O with a Breeza from Brondell."

Call me crazy, but this gift STINKS!

I'm sorry, did you mean worst gifts for Mom?

Honest to goodness, I got the following "Mother's Day Gift Guide" e-mailed to my work account. Needless to say, I am on the fence about some of these items' status as "Best Gifts" for mom. My comments are in red.

Top 10 Mother's Day Gifts (according to catalogs.com)


1. Mom-O-Matic
$12.95 from Room Service Home

'Cause all mom needs is more junk in her purse. Especially when her co-workers could mistake it for birth control.

2.Chocolate Truffles
$24.88 - Free Shipping - from CandyFavorites.com

Alright, I'll give you that truffles are actually a crowd pleaser.

3.Pink Lilies
$54.99 and same day delivery from Beyond Blossom

Flowers are a great tradition, but something about this photo gives me the heebie jeebies. It kind of screams "Happy Mother's Day, Mom! Oh, and enjoy this lovely funeral arrangement."

4.Digital Photo Key Chain
$22.49 - 50% OFF - from Paper Direct

Go ahead, spend 23 bucks on mom. She'll reward your love by showing off her cool keychain photos of Fido to friends.

5.Almond Spa Basket
$99.95 from Caswell Massey

Again, not a bad gift. But, before you make mom slough all the dead skin off her face and feet herself, take that $100 and get her a spa package at a local salon.

6.Hillary Clinton Nutcracker
$19.95 from The Collector's Edge

Really?!? This has got to be the TACKIEST gift I have ever seen. Unless your mom collects beer cans and her own teeth as they fall out, consider this a big NO on Mother's Day.

7.Keurig Elite Single-Cup Coffee Brewer
$99.99 - From Green Mountain Coffee

Could be a good gift, but most adults who consume volumes of coffee each morning have already purchased a coffee maker. Instead, make mom brunch and serve her favorite coffee.

8.Sleep Therapy Pillow
$49.00 From Soundbytes

This is actually the only gift on here I would consider good. But, I still wouldn't recommend. Most people like to pick out their own pillows, so they can get the proper firmness or softness they prefer.

9.Onion Goggles
$19.99 from King Arthur Flour

File this under "Crap mom would least like." Seriously?!? Onion Goggles?!? Unless your mom makes Awesome Blossoms for a living, she can handle occasional unprotected onion slicing. If not, get her some swimmers goggles at the 99 Cent store.

10.Digital Picture Frame
$39.99 with same day shipping at CompUSA

Digital picture frames actually make good gifts. But, if you get one for your mom, be sure to investigate the quality of the frame first. Something about this one makes me feel like it was constructed with "fake wood" wrapping paper. And would it have killed the company to actually use a real photo? That baby's melon is bigger than his "mother's" torso. I so hope that's a PhotoShop error. Otherwise, that kid owes his mom more than a card and a frame on Mother's Day. OUCH!