You know what they say about Karma ...

She's a beast.

I guess I owe the "Easter Bunny" a little apology.
Ever since I wrote about my love/hate relationship with check writers, I have progressively become more and more ill.

Last night, I finally bit the bullet and went to see a doctor. Mostly out of courtesy to my co-workers - some of whom think I have contracted Swine Flu - because I have a nerve-rattling cough and a voice that one of my peers has deemed "so Kathleen Turner."

My prognosis is actually bronchitis. Not such a sexy illness this year. I mean, it is competing with the media darling, swine flu. Bronchitis doesn't even sound cool enough to go head to head with SARS (Remember that pandemic!)

I am a self proclaimed germ-a-phobe. I slather my hands routinely in hand sanitizer and have joked that if I could, I would totally rock a boy in the plastic bubble suit filled with Purell.
My family and friends are starting to fear that I have hand sanitized my immune system away.

What do you think? Is instant hand sanitizer making us weak?

I'm sorry, did you mean worst gifts for Mom?

Honest to goodness, I got the following "Mother's Day Gift Guide" e-mailed to my work account. Needless to say, I am on the fence about some of these items' status as "Best Gifts" for mom. My comments are in red.

Top 10 Mother's Day Gifts (according to catalogs.com)


1. Mom-O-Matic
$12.95 from Room Service Home

'Cause all mom needs is more junk in her purse. Especially when her co-workers could mistake it for birth control.

2.Chocolate Truffles
$24.88 - Free Shipping - from CandyFavorites.com

Alright, I'll give you that truffles are actually a crowd pleaser.

3.Pink Lilies
$54.99 and same day delivery from Beyond Blossom

Flowers are a great tradition, but something about this photo gives me the heebie jeebies. It kind of screams "Happy Mother's Day, Mom! Oh, and enjoy this lovely funeral arrangement."

4.Digital Photo Key Chain
$22.49 - 50% OFF - from Paper Direct

Go ahead, spend 23 bucks on mom. She'll reward your love by showing off her cool keychain photos of Fido to friends.

5.Almond Spa Basket
$99.95 from Caswell Massey

Again, not a bad gift. But, before you make mom slough all the dead skin off her face and feet herself, take that $100 and get her a spa package at a local salon.

6.Hillary Clinton Nutcracker
$19.95 from The Collector's Edge

Really?!? This has got to be the TACKIEST gift I have ever seen. Unless your mom collects beer cans and her own teeth as they fall out, consider this a big NO on Mother's Day.

7.Keurig Elite Single-Cup Coffee Brewer
$99.99 - From Green Mountain Coffee

Could be a good gift, but most adults who consume volumes of coffee each morning have already purchased a coffee maker. Instead, make mom brunch and serve her favorite coffee.

8.Sleep Therapy Pillow
$49.00 From Soundbytes

This is actually the only gift on here I would consider good. But, I still wouldn't recommend. Most people like to pick out their own pillows, so they can get the proper firmness or softness they prefer.

9.Onion Goggles
$19.99 from King Arthur Flour

File this under "Crap mom would least like." Seriously?!? Onion Goggles?!? Unless your mom makes Awesome Blossoms for a living, she can handle occasional unprotected onion slicing. If not, get her some swimmers goggles at the 99 Cent store.

10.Digital Picture Frame
$39.99 with same day shipping at CompUSA

Digital picture frames actually make good gifts. But, if you get one for your mom, be sure to investigate the quality of the frame first. Something about this one makes me feel like it was constructed with "fake wood" wrapping paper. And would it have killed the company to actually use a real photo? That baby's melon is bigger than his "mother's" torso. I so hope that's a PhotoShop error. Otherwise, that kid owes his mom more than a card and a frame on Mother's Day. OUCH!

Help! It's a fashion crisis!

"Nothing horrible has happened, but ummm ... I need you to call me back ASAP," was the voice mail that greeted me Saturday afternoon.

Heart pounding, I continued to listen - all the while fearing the caller was going to say, "your house is on fire," or "something has happened to one of my children." Turns out, one of my closest pals was just having a fashion crisis.

The problem boiled down to, Liz (that's what I call her for the purpose of this posting) was going to an evening wedding and hated every dress in her closet. It's a crisis we can all relate to.

She said she really wanted to wear a dress she had worn to a wedding in February, but didn't want anyone to think she only had one good dress to her name.

I've been to a number of weddings. Can't tell you what anyone was wearing at any of those events, except the bride wore white and the groom was in a tux. I told Liz to go ahead and rock her February dress again, adding "no one but you will know."

A Sunday text message confirmed just that.

If you want to wear a dress again and fear someone will notice, try these tips:

1. Grab a wrap. Pashminas and scarves are great little disguising devices that can change your entire look and keep you warm when spring nights turn chilly.

2. Choose new accessorise. The first time you wore the dress you wore long dangly earrings. Next time, choose more demure earrings and don a sparkly necklase. Same goes with changing up your shoes and handbags.

3. Make it a hair do. If you wore your hair down at the first wedding, try a fun up-do for the next or vise versa. Your hair will alter the appearance of the dress' neckline.

Now, go celebrate and be marry! Errr, merry!

Asked and Answered: Defining 'smokin' hot' summer shoes

An anonymous poster posed this question:
"I would like to know what is best for the some heels or sandals for the summer as you said a smoking pair of shoes."

Answer:
Thick straps are everywhere this year, like the picture below suggests.



If you prefer sandals to pumps, think Russell Crowe in Gladiator. If you are a stiletto queen, the higher the better. For those of you in between, let us rejoice that the wedge is still fashionable.

Summer essentials for less than 15 bucks!

Can you hear it?
The beach is calling!
It’s time to get geared up for a beach playdate or summer barbecue with friends.
Here are my favorite seasonal picks (the best part is they are all under $15!):


Border Print Scarf — $12.50 at Old Navy
Dress up your bathing suit tunic for dinner at the Tikki Bar and Grill on Crystal Beach with this fun, flirty accessory.

Enamel Rings — 99 cents at Aeropostale
Wear them single or stack them high for a little beach bling.


Xhilaration Hobo Beach Bag — 11.99 at Target
Make a “grape” impression with this purple Hobo tote, which is great for carrying anything from bottles of water to magazines.


Printed String Bikini — $15 for each piece at Old Navy
Make a splash in this sexy two-piece. No one will guess you got it at a near steal.




Plaid Printed Shooter Flip Flops — $7.99 at Aeropostale
Cross preppy with sporty and these flip-flops make a great summer style for guys.


Coppertone Sunblock — $7.44 at Target
Everyone knows the best summer accessory is smooth, healthy skin. Skip the lobster look and slather on lots of sunscreen this summer. You’ll thank yourself in 20 years.


Knit Tube Dress — $15 at Old Navy
Cover up! This hot pink tunic is a girl’s best friend before and after hitting the beach. You can pull it on when you feel like you’ve had too much sun or you can sport around in the dress while shopping along Galveston’s Strand. For those of you with problem areas, the dress’s free flowing form helps cover up all the places you want to hide and accent those you don’t!


Men’s Board Shorts — $15 at Old Navy
Guys, spice up your summer suit with a bold print and scorching colors. As an added bonus, bright colors make tans seem deeper.

Floppy Beach Hat — $12.99 at Target
Look sassy and sexy in this fun summer hat while keeping harmful rays off your face.


Xhilaration Sunglasses for Women — $12.99 at Target
Let your fun personality shine through with these colorful sunglasses.

Merona Sunglasses for Men — $14.99 at Target
Protect your eyes and channel your inner aviator with these cool specs.

Photos by Enterprise photographer Dave Ryan

A little in-house research

I like to purge my closet a couple times a year of things I no longer wear.

While it's easy to toss pants, T-shirts and shrunken sweaters, I have found it increasingly difficult to get rid of skirts and summer dresses.

This week, I decided to do a little in-house research on dresses that have set idle in my closet during the winter months - you know, just to see if they are still stylin' in 09'.

Surprisingly, I got at least one daily compliment on my outfits. I found that even if the skirt or dress isn't the latest trend, if you pair it with smoking hot shoes or a cool cardigan, the skirt/dresses shelf life is renewed.

So, try it yourself this week. It's a great money saver and a way to breath new life into your old wardrobe.

Who writes checks? It's 2009!

I love to check myself out.

Ha! That sounds so wrong.

What I mean to say is, I love to check out my own groceries. Then, it is my own fault if I take forever to get out of the grocery store.

Twice this week, I have been held hostage by check writers. Lovely people in any other circumstance, checkbook-toting Southeast Texans are LOATHSOME.

The first instance happened last Thursday. I was sick and just wanted to pop into the Walgreen's for a can of chicken soup and a package of cough drops.
With a foggy head, I contemplated between the cherry Halls or citrus flavored drops -finally siding with the Halls. Mustering every ounce of strength I had, I shuffled up to the register to get behind (Oh,yeah. You guessed it) a check writer.

This particular woman had a basket full of Easter candy - tiny little pieces of Easter candy that would need to be rung up individually.

After waiting for every single piece of candy to be scanned, said woman finally got her check book out. If I had brought a torch and angry mob with me, I would have chased this woman out of the county.

IF YOU MUST PAY WITH A CHECK, WHY NOT FILL EVERYTHING OUT EXCEPT THE DOLLAR AMOUNT IN ADVANCE?!?

I considered coughing on her for a moment. But, I decided that was cruel and unusual punishment for the situation. Instead, I mumbled to the cashier: "Who writes checks? It's 2009!"

I am an avid fan of the debit card. You swipe, enter your pin number and walk out the door. Easy-peasy!

So, if you don't want to join the rest of the modern world, that's fine. But at least have some courtesy. Get your checkbook and driver's license out early or prepare to get the stink eye from your fellow citizens.

Get with the program!

10 tips for dressing 10 pounds lighter

Let's say it in unison: "Oh My God! It's almost bathing suit season!"
Now that we have that out of our system, here are 10 easy steps to dress 10 pounds lighter (You know, while you work on getting that bathing suit bod ready for summer!):

1. Don't go baggy or too tight. Women who attempt to mask their weight with over sized clothes or skin-tight pants only highlight their flaws. Dress your size.

2. Make black your favorite color. Wearing black or navy blue around your "trouble areas" works wonders for hiding excess pounds. Stay away from light acid washed denim or (eh gads!) white jeans.

3. Get a uniform appearance. Try pairing the same color top and bottom with a bright cardigan or scarf to minimize your size. By wearing the same color top and bottom, you actually lengthen your appearance and look leaner.

4.Accessorize properly. Leave the skinny clutch handbag and tiny lockets at home if you are packing excess weight. Tiny accessories can make you appear heavier by drawing the eye to your "trouble areas".

5.Rock the stilettos girls! To make your physique appear slimmer, add some height with a good pair of heels. For women who just need to shed a few pounds, skinny stilettos are appropriate. If you are wanting to lose a lot of weight, try a thicker heel to avoid the appearance that you are putting excess weight on tiny heels.

6. Get a good fit. Avoid stretch pants and stay away from tapered or slim cut jeans. Also, make sure jeans and dress pants come to the top of your shoe. Capris pants should rest just past the thickest part of the calf to lengthen your appearance.

7. Just say no to jersey (the fabric and the state)! If you are hiding a few pounds, avoid all jersey knit dresses and tops. Jersey is quite the unforgiving fabric and will highlight every dimple, bulge and bump.

8. Sit up tall. The best way to knock off the appearance of a bulge or pooched belly is to have good posture. Standing tall, with your head held high will actually lengthen your body and boost confidence.

9. Pick your patterns wisely. Small patterns or extra large patterns are actually your enemy when trying to hide your weight. Both can draw the eye to "trouble areas." Stick to mid-size prints and patterns to accentuate your best flaws.

10. Dress your age. If you don't have the legs of a 20-year-old anymore, let those short skirts go. You don't have to sacrifice your love of good fashion as you age. You just need to find more classic pieces that make you feel young and stylish, and look less like the punch line of a joke.

5 tips to spring your wardrobe forward

A pal and I spent last Saturday in deck chairs reading gossip magazines and pretending we were somehow trapped in a beach-front Corona commercial.

It was heaven!

But like all good things, the sun, drinks and good conversation eventually came to an end. To carry that warm feeling into the work week, I tried to wear spring essentials that remind me there is a sun outside the four walls of the office.

Here are 6 tips to spring your wardrobe forward:
1. Wear blush colored clothing. Glamour magazine reports the warm hues will flatter your face and sun-kissed skin.

2. Score a flirty ruffle dress you can rock at a barbecue or out for drinks with friends. Reserve this dress for weekends. Ruffles have no place in the office.

3. Go Bohemian. Cool hippy prints are back, but be careful not to overpower the look with accessories. You don't want to channel your inner flower child!

4. Cool oversized earrings can perk up even the most demure outfit. Look for tiered pieces and throw those old tired hoops away. ATTENTION LADIES: Giant hoops have been out for the past decade! Take notice.

5. Mix and match fun flirty looks. Glamour is reporting it's OK to put patterns together, as long as they colors are from the same family. It takes a pro to really pull the mix and match off. Best of luck to those who attempt it.

Great Ray Bans, Ponch!

Capri pants, jumpsuits and shoulder pads. Try as I might to wish these things away, they somehow remain.

I can lump Ray Ban Aviators for men into that category as well.

The online fashion guide Trend Reports is ... well reporting that Aviators are going to be a big hit this summer. If I can just interject for a sec, I have to ask: how is this a new trend?

Cops and pilots have been sporting these for years. Heck, I think my dad even had a pair of Aviators in the '80s.

Nevertheless, the frames remain popular. If you're going to seek out a pair this summer at least try for the squared off Aviators. The look is much cooler than the original and won't give off that "I am channeling Ponch from 'CHiPs'" vibe.

Ray Ban Aviators run about $70-$90.

I have seen some pretty good knock offs at Target and sun glass kiosks in the mall for a quarter of that price.

While you're there, tell Erik Estrada we said hi.

Hey, get a Gander at these deals

Word on the street is Gander Mountain in Beaumont is having a HUGE blowout sale.

A co-worker who is getting geared up for a hiking adventure said the mega store has discounted a lot of "really nice hunting gear."

So, if you are planning a staycation this year or quick jaunt to the lake, head on down to Gander Mountain and pick up a few good camping supplies. Better yet, stock up for next year's hunting season.

Shape your Curves, keep more cash

Get moving for less!

Curves and Avon are partnering to get you bikini ready for the summer at bargain basement prices.

The duo are offering Southeast Texas women the opportunity to workout for 30 days for $30 this spring. The only hitch - you have to complete at least 12 workouts in that 30 day window.

So. come on girls! Get going!

Saving the planet, one shopping bag at a time

My newest life philosophy is to be good to myself, my neighbors and the planet. Cliche, I know. But, if we all take a stand to do to the right thing, I sincerely believe we would relish more in life's simple pleasures.

I took some advice from a magazine article this weekend. In it, a woman said "I quit overeating by really looking at what was on my plate. Once I considered the food as the fuel that would dictate my energy for the day, I began eating more nutritious and well-balanced meals." She lost 180 pounds in the process.

So, that information fed my soul. But, by applying that same thought process not only to my diet but also to the planet, I decided this would be the week that I cut plastic bags out of my life.

I bought a handful of the H-E-B reusable bags and sacked up my own groceries yesterday. The stylish printed bags are durable, and best of all, hold more groceries than a regular shopping bag. I walked out of the store with only three bags - containing anything from a gallon of milk to a can of soup.

Stores like H-E-B, Kroger and even Wal-Mart are encouraging customers to save the environment one reusable bag at a time.

According to an H-E-B ad campaign, the Texas-based chain's recycling efforts save almost two million trees a year. And, when customers use one reusable shopping bag, it replaces six plastic bags, every time it is used.

H-E-B locations in Southeast Texas are currently selling a reusable Eva Longoria Parker Earth Day shopping bags for $1.49 at through April 30. Other reusable bags start at 99 cents at most grocery stores.

So make your mark on the planet, not a blemish!

Keep classy, hide those straps!

I'll be the first to admit that I have made (and continue) to make some fashion faux pas.
But there are a couple of BIG no-no's I live by - one being to wear the appropriate bra with tank tops and halter shirts; another is dressing properly for the occasion.
I saw both of these rules broken this past week ... and by the same woman.
During intermission for Cirque Eloize Nebbia at the Lutcher Theater Wednesday, I spotted a woman coming out of a bathroom stall in blue jeans, a halter top and BIG, black bra straps.
I think everyone should be comfortable and sport their own style, but club dress is not appropriate for the theater.
If heading out for a night of culture, throw on a pair of dress pants or a skirt and your favorite top. For extra comfort, spice up a comfortable dress with a Pashmina and a cute pair of flats.
S&M Family Outlet on Dowlen Road is currently selling Pashminas for $5.99, so you have no excuse not to look fabulous on a budget.
As for the bra issue, pick up a racerback and strapless bra for the summer.
You are bound to show off your arms and back enough this summer to justify the investment. Remember, you want people to notice your sleek arms or sculpted back, not your FRAYING bra strap!
Target has a variety of hot racerback bras starting at $14.99; Victoria's Secret has a large selection of strapless bras starting at $20. But for one-stop support, pick up Victoria's Secret's 100 Multi-Way bra for $50. You can position the flesh-colored straps any way you like for the perfect look.